Quotable Kids

“Dad, do you think I can catch any gummy fish with these gummy worms?” – Joshua.

I told my sons that I was going to show them a link titled, “22 Unbelievable Places that are Hard to Believe Really Exist.” Caleb immediately suggested, “FRANCE!”

“My armpits smell like mint.” – Joshua

“‘Salvation Army: Doing the most good.’ I’m not sure they are doing the MOST good because I do a lot of good every day. They’re just bragging.” – Joshua after reading a billboard

(Not a quote, but funny) Rather than get up out of the rolling chair and walk eight feet to bring me his writing, Jonathan called Boxer over and tucked the writing in his collar. He then told me to call Boxer over, which I did. I then corrected the writing and tucked it back into Boxer’s collar so that Jonathan could call him back.

Jonathan: “I’m glad I’m a boy.”
Joshua: “Why is that?”
Jonathan: “Well, I don’t have to have babies and Jesus was a boy, so…..”

“The miracle I want to see is that God would write my name in cursive in the sky with lightning.”

“The picture for April (on the calendar) reminds me of Mae (his cousin). Weird.” -Joshua

“You know how rain splatters when it hits the ground? It makes me think the ground is having goosebumps.” -Joshua

“Dad, is there a record for world’s longest eyebrow hair? ‘Cuz mine is pretty long.” -Joshua

After watching a squirrel wait until the very last second to move from our car’s path, Joshua said, “I think that’s like extreme sports for squirrels.”

Joshua was helping me with landscaping and asked what worms do for plants. After I explained that they break down compounds within the soil, etc., I found Joshua slicing a worm with a shovel. “Joshua, why would you do that?” I asked. “Well, they have like seven lives and this way it can do the job faster.”

Joshua: “Dad, are you Dutch?”
Me: “Yes.”
Joshua: “And is mom African American?”
Me: “Yes.”
Joshua: “So what does that make me?”
Jonathan: “Dutch American.”

“We could save a lot of money if we used cars like the Flintstones. Then maybe Michigan could finally get out of debt.” -Joshua

(After several days of rain..)
Jonathan: “God said he wouldn’t flood the earth.”
Me: “You think he changed his mind?”
Jonathan: “Maybe.”

“Dad, I’ve been thinking about getting an eagle.” -Joshua

“Dad, if there was no God, what would be the point of life?” -Jonathan

(Quotes while waiting at the Secretary of State)
1) Joshua: “How long have we been in this death trap?”
2) Jonathan: “If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been starving this month, I’d be rich.”
3) Joshua: “That was scary. I just heard thunder in my stomach.”